home and home

So this week was the first week back to work from the trip. Not so bad. The trip seems like a distant memory now. My last thoughts on the topic were kind of negative. I’ve had some time to think it over and things weren’t as bad as I had made them out to be. Sure, I wish there had been more time to spend with friends. Sure, I wish in retrospect we picked another weekend other than Gay Pride to go. And sure, I wish that dumbass hadn’t puked on me on Saturday night! WTF?!? We were at the Powerhouse not more than two minutes and this guy came stumbling out of the crowd bumped his head on the bar, raised up and spewed undigested liquor all over me. At least he hadn’t had any food in the past 12 hours. Amateurs, all amateurs, I say! I was in such a bad head space when we left Australia that I put too many expectations on this trip home. Expectations are something I learned to suppress many years ago, but this time the excitement of the trip got the better of me. I think I expected people to drop everything and come spend all their time with me…I know better, I mean it’s California, okay? The trip was kind of a mirror. It took me a couple of days to get over how neurotic and dramatic everyone was. I know I’m just like this, but I haven’t had to be immersed in it in two years. I saw ugliness and selfishness where I wish I hadn’t, including my own. America is a drug, and when you are off the drug you forget the anxiousness until your back on it again. It can be quite exhausting. I want to go back to California, it’s my home. I miss the hipster attitude of San Francisco. I miss the commerce. I miss walking down any street and running into people I know, one right after another. I miss being able to have conversations that aren’t centered on sports. I miss the ubiquitous visibility of gay people.

On Saturday morning after returning to Australia, I got up and went down to get lattes for me and hubby. While walking through Town Hall Station, I ran into one of my coworkers. It was completely unexpected. She said, “Welcome home!” It put a smile on my face.   

Side note…American accents sounded strange to me for the first time. It was funny and unexpected.