I had never spent any time in the Castro. The truth is that I was afraid to as I was maturing because in my twenties, when I was not out and hated being gay, I was afraid to come to San Francisco because I did not want people to think I was gay. So there I was yesterday listening to how those two couples had gotten mauled by prejudice and how all they want to do is marry and then that night I was walking through gay history with two of the people I most respect. Cleve knew lots and lots of people still even last night. Some folks came up to Lance to give him a book or ask for a picture. We stopped in Twin Peaks, a bar that had been there since, as Cleve remembered, 1972. Lance and I were talking and at one point we realized that Cleve had been gone for a long time (usually I’m gone and they never notice, but enough of that). The bartender laughed at us as we swiveled our necks looking for him. There was Cleve, twenty feet away at the end of the bar talking to two African American gentlemen of a certain age. They’d been at it for about twenty minutes, recalling who had been alive, who was still alive, who was where and what had moved, what had changed, what had not.
...it made me pause. I told my partner this morning how much the trial made me miss San Francisco more. I'm not sure if he got my meaning. It's been so odd being in Australia watching and listening to this on the outside - from Prop 8's passage to this hearing. I do feel a bit helpless. Not sure what I would be doing if I were there, but at least I would feel more grounded. Going back over the holidays made me realise San Francisco is my home. So when I read RJ's paragraph above, I thought to myself I can't imagine not spending time in the Castro, and more importantly, I can't imagine not spending time in San Francisco!
Ironically, I'm one of the few people I know who hated San Francisco the first time they went there. I found it odd, confronting, sexualised, and dirty. My uptight "east of the Mississippi" persona didn't understand the environment. I remember saying to my bf at the time, "I want a gay culture, but not this gay culture!" It's very odd to think about that now. I miss that gay culture so much. More importantly, I miss my friends.
Marriage is a public and a private institution. I understand that more now than ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment