Infinity

So, I was reading through this particular post: Infinity Hurts Your Brain, Ctd - The Dish | By Andrew Sullivan - The Daily Beast and this man's thoughts struck a chord with me. Speaking of his 6 y/o:

Earlier this summer, after he had brought up the idea to me (regarding the stars and the size of the universe) and we discussed it as far as he might be able to understand, he became, over the following weeks increasingly withdrawn. Finally, one evening, out of the blue he told me that sometimes he "just wanted to die."

It reminded me of a conversation I had with my dad a few years before he died. He said that the enormity of the Universe terrified him, and that was why he ultimately believed in God. I thought it was probably the most frank and honest thing I had ever heard him say on the topic. He and I debated belief vs non-belief most of my adult life - we enjoyed those debates. We might have raised our voices and sounded angry, but it was never personal. While we both completely disagreed with each other, we had nothing but mutual respect for one another. Reading the words, "just wanted to die" made me remember the despair I saw on my father's face during that conversation, which more or less was about infinity. I remember telling him that my reaction was the complete opposite. The enormity of the Universe was why I could let go of the concept of God and be in awe of the state between being and nothingness. I think in that moment we came to an understanding of each other unlike before, and I'm almost certain we never debated the topic of God ever again.

A few weeks ago, I went to see the movie The Tree of Life. I think it is Terrance Malick's masterpiece, though I disagree with the movie's ultimate message; rather, what I interpret to be the that message. One thing I can say for certain, my dad would have loved that film. If he was still alive, we would be debating its meanings till the cows come home...