Last night I dreamed I was in Egypt lying on a giant bed.

Last night I dreamed I was in Egypt lying on a giant bed. Hosni Mubarak was in the bed with me and he kept trying to kiss me. Every time he leaned over and opened his mouth, I would stick my finger in his right eye. This would make him laugh, and each time he mumbled something I couldn’t understand and then he would pop a date into my mouth. He told me if I had sex with him he would get the Israeli government to build me a pyramid―the biggest one in Egypt. There was a song playing, but I couldn’t quite hear what it was. In the middle of room there were three men, a Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim. I knew their religions, because each man had the Star of David, the Cross, and the Star and Crescent hanging from their necks respectively. They were naked and they were taking turns raping two atheists, a man and a woman. I don’t really know how I knew they were atheists, I just knew. The trio yelled obscenities, while they (literally) fucked the couple to death. Once they were finished, the three men embraced and locked tongues. They meshed together and became one man, who then melted into a blob of goo on the floor at the feet of the dead couple. Just behind this scene was a red curtain that opened up, revealing a dancing Buddha and a weeping Buddha. They were on a Lazy Susan type platform, spinning round very slowly. In front of them, there was a shiny silver sword. I jumped out of the bed and ran towards them. I picked up the sword and decapitated each Buddha. I looked up and to my left there was an archway. There were two figures standing, a man dressed as a woman and a woman dressed as a man. They smiled at me and faded away, like they became fog or mist. I looked back and Mubarak was motioning for me to come back to bed. I turned and walked through the archway. Then, I was in San Francisco and I was standing in the middle of the intersection between Market and Castro. David was with me and we were holding hands. He looked at me and smiled, then I realised our friends and family were all around us, forming a circle. David picked me up and the immediate group around us unfurled this giant American flag. He threw me on top of it and joined the group by grabbing an edge. They started tossing me up into the air, bouncing me up and down, each time going higher and higher. This seemed to go on for a long time, and the crowd kept laughing and cheering. They were singing, it was that same song from earlier in the dream. Again, I couldn’t quite make out what it was. Then they tossed me up higher than any of the other times, and at the crest I caught a glimpse of the pyramid building on Montgomery Street. I chuckled, because I was reminded that Mubarak had said that if I had sex with him, he would get the Israelis to build a pyramid for me. As I started falling back to the flag, I looked down. It was no longer an American flag; it was now an Australian one. As my body hit the material, I jerked awake. David was asleep beside me. We were back in Australia. I looked at the clock and I realised I was late for work. I jumped out of bed. I didn’t really understand why David was still sleeping, but I didn’t try to wake him. I got ready and caught the bus to work. When I reached my building, that song from my dream started playing on my iPod. But then I realised I was actually still dreaming―such an odd thing, to have a dream within a dream. I woke up for real and wrote this down before I forgot. Now, I have that damned song trapped in my head!